In My Own Way

I was thinking this morning about the idea and the feeling of being in one’s own way. This takes many shapes in life, and can likely be related to in terms of ‘analysis paralysis’ or ‘decision fatigue.’ But, here, I’m thinking less about specific situations in which we’re presented with several options and struggling to choose between them. Rather, it’s the more nebulous notion of mind-created paths through life and the resulting inability to take action in any given direction for fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision leading to (perceived) failure, regret, or wasting time. The paradox is that not taking action is, of course, an action in itself, although lacking in skill, and, ultimately, a surefire way of getting into that regretful state.

I’m reminded of Albert Einstein’s wisdom: “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” That is, using the same mental machinery to solve a problem that it itself fabricated is simply futile; it cannot be done. To that, one might say: but my mind didn’t create the problem of wanting to have future success and avoid regret. But of course it did—it’s projecting itself into a future state that it can’t possibly know (aside from all of the ways it can go wrong!). The only way to create that future state is through present moment action. Said another way by Eugen Herrigel in his wonderful book, Zen In The Art Of Archery: “… why try to anticipate in thought what only your experience can teach?” It is that ‘trying’ that jams up the mechanism and presents us with an imagined, although very real barrier to living life fully.

Here, the metaphor of mirrors is helpful to demonstrate the mind and its clinging or attachment (the root of suffering in Buddhism). Imagine two mirrors, pointed at each other, perfectly parallel. This is a common experience in, say, a dressing room, with a mirror in front and behind, reflecting the image into infinity. The reflection has no escape from the mirrors; it’s trapped, in a sense. It produces an infinite loop, which, in terms of the mind, is equivalent to rumination or anxiety. In this situation, the mind’s imagined problem of needing to identify the ‘best’ path and avoid the ‘wrong’ choices is bounced back and forth between the mirrors with no way out; there is no mind-created solution to the mind-created problem.

However, it’s in this recognition of the trap that is itself the start of the way out. Herein lies the value (if one must be stated) of inquiry and meditation (zazen)—familiarization with the functioning of the mind. Bringing awareness to the exhausting mental acrobatics of rumination and self-referential thinking allows for a slight rotation of the mirrors, such that the infinite loop is broken and ‘escape’ becomes possible. This is letting go of attachment; cessation of self-imposed suffering.

And as the mirrors are further rotated until they’re perfectly flat, we’re “mirroring the whole”; the mirrors accept whatever is reflected, whether perceived as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and holds on to nothing.

The liberation from the insoluble problem of the mind brings a new vitality to the present; the only place from which action is possible. It’s through rotating the mirrors, however so slightly at first, that enables skillful action along a path that the mind doesn’t need to understand; it can instead ‘figure out’ the path once revealed in the clarity of hindsight. The beauty of skillful action Here-Now is the elimination of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ choices; there is simply the unfolding of life, and learning from experience that which can’t be anticipated by thought alone.